Three Letters to Consonance

McNulty: I can see why Daniels cringes every time you open your fucking mouth: you’re a supervisor’s nightmare!

Lester: I’m just following the thread.

–The Wire

If you’re a parent, teacher, or government official, maybe you already know the word I’m talking about, probably dread the sound of it, and assuredly pay lip service to its importance.

But before I get all reflective, check out this video clip, which is a funny and useful take on the issue (skip ahead to 7:00 to see what I’m talking about):

What to take away from this (besides Louis CK being a good stand-up):

You can’t answer a kid’s question, they don’t accept any answer. A kid never goes, “oh thanks, I get it.” They fucking never say that. They just keep coming, more questions–why, why, why–until you don’t even know who the fuck you are anymore at the end of the conversation.

It’s no wonder children are discreetly ushered away from the question: Why is the tip of the spear against cognitive dissonance. But once we’re herded into confronting something we don’t understand or buried under layers of rationalization or wrong assumptions, this is where we falter. Literally, in this state we feel discomfort as a psychological response. In these situations, we often don’t ask why in order to find things out.  Instead, we are looking for an affirmation of our existing beliefs. What does this mean?

It means that in effect, people seek to make the most important, most human question of all rhetorical. What a monumental waste. And by the time we reach adulthood, we are just as conditioned to ask nonquestions as we are to accept nonanswers:

“That’s our policy.”

“It’s the law.”

“We’ve always done it that way.”

As a child, were you ever satisfied by because I said so? If you or your organization can only argue from authority or tradition, ask yourself how you got there, and if you have the will to change.

Or would you rather not hear the answer?